There is something that is often forgotten when talking about personal relationships. Each relationship is an intricate dance between two people. Their dance is like no other. They bring steps and ideas that others may not understand or even tolerate. The goal is to do what works for them, personally. With that thought in mind there are different levels of “neediness” that may be tolerated.
* Can not respect personal time
Personal time is an important part of having a full and complete life. Not everyone requires the same amount of alone time, but it is something that needs to be respected. If your partner cannot stand to ever be alone, make sure there are others to take a turn. Your personal time should not be taken away because your partner does not require much. If the relationship is to continue there must be a reasonable balance that works for both parties.
* Excessive need to know your every thought
You’ve probably seen it before in a restaurant. There is a couple together and each has a book and they are eating. They are at the same table, but there is no conversation. The opposite would happen if one partner needs to be constantly engaged. “What are you thinking about?” What are you reading?” “Are you coming right home or are you stopping somewhere?” The constant questioning can wear on a relationship. Chances are the person asking the questions is genuinely interested and has no idea it is not an easy thing to handle.
* Constant worry about partner cheating
If your current partner has never cheated on you, don’t worry about it. Everyone does not cheat. Constantly harassing someone about behaviors they don’t participate in is demeaning and leads to bigger problems.
* Lack of different interests
Partners should have some different interests. If Joe loves to go biking, Andrea does not have to try to enjoy it. Andrea can do other things she enjoys while Joe is biking. A big part of being a couple that gets along is being confident individuals who have other things going on in life.
* All of the same friends
One partner may have friends from childhood, the partner does not need to be a part of all of those relationships. It is important to keep independent friends. It brings more conversation and variety, even in the conversation of partners.
Perhaps Jeff went to Chicago for the weekend to see old friends and Steve stayed home and read a great book. They each have something to contribute to a conversation when Jeff comes home. It is all about balance.
* Little rituals that have extreme meaning
Susan is completely offended if Jack does not give her a goodnight kiss and a good bye kiss every time it is applicable. She takes it as a personal offense. When Jack forgets or is in a hurry, there is much pouting and finally a confrontation. Some will be happy to accommodate these wishes, others may not.
* Constant contact
Sometimes technology gives a needy partner a tool that should not be used. Excessive phone calls and texts when a partner is out of sight. It is annoying for the partner and can be embarrassing for all those who may be around.
It is clear the some people can live with a certain degree of neediness. In fact, some relationships thrive in this situation. Some people need to be endlessly needed. So evaluate the needs of both parties and do what is best for you.